For Patti: Friendship, Care, and Commitment
This memorial message was preached in Dutchess County, NY in the presence of an overwhelmingly kind, gracious, and friendly group of folks. Their love for one another was evident and their openness to me was moving. Introduction
Good evening. I’m Jason Elder. I’m the minister of the Protestant Church of Poughkeepsie. I’ve been in the foyer listening to the overflow of your conversation for the past fifteen minutes. I’ve seen your hugs and smiles and it is obvious you intend to surround and support one another this evening.
My heart goes out to you in the loss of Patti, who meant the world to you.
So we know the structure of our time together, in a moment I will open with silence followed by prayer. Friends will share their prepared remarks. I will share a homily after reading two passages from the sacred and ancient Scripture.
In the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 11, Jesus Christ said, “Come to me all you who are weary, and I will give you rest.” The rest that Jesus gives encourages, elevates our perspective, and sustains our joy. That is what Jesus offers us in the passage and this evening. That is what we will need for the road ahead as we face our grief.
Patti is at peace. She is not hurting, alone, or sad. She has received the wide, warm, welcome of God. Though we can acknowledge our grief and loss and be sad for ourselves, we can, in a way, be happy for her.
We are here to remember Patti and to give thanks for her life. We also gather to affirm God’s love for us and our love for one another. May God grant us help as we affirm the meaning and the mystery of life.
As we begin, let us pause, gather ourselves, and go to God in prayer:
Merciful God, from the dawn of the very first day you have loved and cared for your creation. By your hand, you bring us into being from mystery and take us back into mystery when our days are done. You reveal yourself to us in many ways: through nature, relationships, work, and worship. But, after we have passed through this life into the next, you reveal yourself to us face-to-face in the kind person of Jesus Christ, our Lord. There is no more crying, pain, separation, or struggle in his presence, for you are the way, the truth, and the life in our time and beyond all time. All glory and grace are yours, O Christ, now and forever. Amen.
Scripture Reading
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff—they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Ruth 1:16-17
Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.
Homily
The Bible is a massive book spanning some 2,000 years of history, written by scores of authors, in various political and cultural environments, often facing very difficult and different circumstances. Therefore, it is interesting to learn what themes emerge time and again. The political leaders change. The religious leaders change. The dominant culture changes and the generations rise and fall, but certain ideas remain. One major idea that continually persists is friendship.
Before he was a king, David had Jonathan, who was loyal, kind, and faithful. Job, who suffered incredible losses in his family, had friends who surrounded him, albeit with questionable advice, but they did not leave his side. In the New Testament, Paul had Timothy who showed genuine concern. Of course, we read about Jesus who had twelve friends, which we call disciples. In the Gospel of John he says, “I no longer call you servants. Instead, I have called you friends because I have taught you what I’ve learned from God.”
The second passage I read is about Ruth and Naomi. Ruth is Naomi’s daughter-in-law. There had been a famine in the land and Naomi, her husband, her sons, and their wives including Ruth, had migrated to survive. Eventually, the men passed away, leaving only Naomi and Ruth.
The women are left in a precarious position. It’s a patriarchal society, which unfairly limits their options, and it is also a time of famine and distress. Naomi tells Ruth, “Just leave me, and go live your life! You don’t need to be with me anymore. We are not blood relatives. Whatever happens to me, happens. Just be free and don’t let me be a burden.”
Ruth, though she could, doesn’t leave. She lives into her pledge of love and loyalty. Her words are beautiful: Don’t tell me to go away. Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God. Where you die, I will be buried. In my personal translation: I am with you until the end. Get used to seeing my face.
Ultimately, they work together and secure a good future together. Ruth ends up being in the genealogical line of Jesus. That’s why her story is preserved.
This is the first time I’ve met any of you. I don’t pretend to know you, or Patti, but after hearing those remembrances, I wish I did! However, I do know friendship, the importance of it, and what a good friend does to our soul.
When someone is loyal and committed, exemplifies sacrifice, and gives up potential for you, that is rare and good.
Despite misunderstandings and small aggravations, they are also there to support and comfort you. Yes, sometimes they are a pain in the neck, but they are also the apple of your eye.
On car rides, vacations, and errands the space may be filled with words, but sometimes there is silence because of mutual respect and affection. Sometimes I love you is spoken, sometimes not, but it is always understood.
Sometimes you are friends, and sometimes one of you turns into a mentor. You give advice because you have a little more experience in that piece of life. You are there to help. Sometimes the tables turn, and you can return the favor.
Sometimes they share your faith and sometimes they don’t, but they almost always share your values.
Then there are times like these when you can’t imagine that God could produce another person like this out of a million tries, and now you can’t imagine the world without them.
Those people are precious, and those relationships are rarer still. I’m happy you had that, and that Patti had you.
Friendship and love are gifts given to us by God to enjoy and to drink up. So, drink it up and give a toast of thanks to God.
Ruth’s commitment to Naomi, and the commitments you have given and received, epitomize the essence of true friendship: selfless, enduring, and sacrificial. They also remind us of God’s steadfast determination to be committed to us in covenant love, by grace through faith.
In moments of joy and in times of trial, the presence of a true friend is a blessing, a reflection of the love and grace that binds us together.
Perhaps now we say to Patti or to other friends and loved ones who have entered their joyful rest with God ahead of us, “Where you go, I will go. Where you stay, I will stay. And your God will be my God.”
